Abusive relationships come in many forms, and consequently, the signs and symptoms are quite varied as well.
In general, consider that “abuse” occurs whenever one person’s actions intentionally violate the personal boundaries, standards, etc. of another person.
I define an “abusive relationship” as any relationship where one person intentionally does (or says) something to another person (without that person’s consent) that injures that person.
For clarification:
- Although an adult may intimidate, or seduce, a child into “agreeing” with some harmful behavior – that would constitute “abuse” since a child is (both legally and emotionally) not capable of providing “consent” for such behavior.
- Although professional boxers hit one another and inflict both pain, and frequently, injury – I don’t consider that to be “abuse” because the actions of both (adult) parties happen under the umbrella of informed consent.
The following categories and definitions are somewhat informal (as opposed to being technical, scientific ones), and they overlap to a degree, but I think they will communicate to most readers.
- Physical Abuse - anything that creates harm or injury to one’s body … generally, leaving a mark, breaking a bone, etc. – but need not leave an actual mark (as in the case of a parent shaking a baby).
- Verbal Abuse – here, the cause of the injury is someone’s words. Epithets of all sort fall into this category (e.g., racial, ethnic, gender, etc.), as do continual verbal “put-downs”, constant yelling and screaming, etc.
- Emotional Abuse - this one is a bit more difficult to define, and frequently is the secondary result of either/both of the above, but can be recognized by strong feelings of fear, anxiety, dread, etc. – or the complete absence of feelings. It can even be something as simple as not allowing another person to express their true feelings (e.g., “don’t cry,” “don’t be sad,” …).
- Psychological Abuse – again, difficult to define in just a few short words, but in general, includes rejection of who a person considers him/herself to “be” – might include such things as failing to accept a child’s gifts or talents (e.g, musical talents denigrated when parent wants an athlete or a doctor in the family), or a parent denigrating a child because of homosexual orientation, or … countless other ways of rejecting who the person really is or the goals and dreams that are important to that individual. I would put threats of any sort - especially violent ones (e.g., guns, knives, etc.) in this category – although they could easily be considered under physical or emotional abuse, etc.
- Sexual Abuse – there is a lot of sexual behavior that – to one couple – might be quite acceptable, but to another couple – would definitely be considered abuse. The key differentiator here is the presence or absence of “CONSENT” and ADULTS only in the relationship, i.e., “No” means “NO!”
- Mental Abuse – saying or doing anything to another that is intended to make them feel “stupid,” “dumb,” “fat,” “ugly,” etc.
- Spiritual Abuse – refusal to respect, or permit someone to practice, their religious or spiritual beliefs.
If there are drugs or alcohol abuse in your home – the chances are very good that multiple forms of the above categories of abuse are also occurring.
Many people try to convince themselves that the abuse only happened “once” and it will never happen again – WRONG! Abusive behavior tends to get worse over time, it rarely stops or improves on its own.
Frequently, the ABUSER will blame the VICTIM, e.g., “You made me do it,” “If you just hadn’t said/done, …” WRONG! The ABUSER is solely responsible for his/her actions.
If you are a victim of abuse (especially any form of violent abuse) – SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP – but FIRST – do whatever you need to do to ensure your personal safety (and that of any children or other at-risk individuals).
Following are some resources to help abuse victims:
NDVH.org: Providing a Solution to Victims of Domestic Violence | Laws
Organizations like this are providing very important services, resources, and information to all of the abused individuals in the country. They are giving victims a chance to make their lives better for themselves and their children …
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PS: Reader, thank you for the question – I hope this has provided you with the information you need.
PPS: Although the majority of my posts deal with internet business, from time to time, I like to make posts that are simply for the public good. This is an example of one of those posts.
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Tags: abusive relationships, emotional abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, resources for abuse victims, sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, verbal abuse
